


Animorphs Forever

by mademoisellePlume, Shorm (Bdoing), Vinnocent



Category: Animorphs - Katherine A. Applegate
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-03
Updated: 2014-03-03
Packaged: 2018-01-14 11:33:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1264954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mademoisellePlume/pseuds/mademoisellePlume, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bdoing/pseuds/Shorm, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vinnocent/pseuds/Vinnocent
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Animorphs have survived long enough to get drivers licenses and graduate high school, but is it enough? The war wages on.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. How Far We've Come

**Author's Note:**

> Every chapter has a song associated with it, and it's suggested that you listen to these songs when reading. Chapter number one is 'How Far We've Come' by Matchbox Twenty. These stories were all originally posted on animorphs4ever.tumblr.com

My name is Rachel, and I know exactly who you are. How much longer until you know me, too? How much longer until you’re in my house? In my life? In my head?

My mother coos over my blue gown, and I don’t believe she means it. She could very well be a slug just playing the part until she can manage to abduct me in the night and pull me down into the pit of hell.

My sisters eagerly try on my cap and decorate it with stickers and talk about what life is gonna be like when they graduate, and I want to scream. It’s a taunt from an alien slug, I’m sure. Telling them, telling everyone what they’ll never actually have.

My name is Rachel, and I’m not a rebel. I’m not a revolutionary. I’m not a fighter or a warrior or a soldier.

Not anymore.

I’m a survivor.

At least for a little while more.

— —

"What have you got next?" my cousin asks, picking at a basket of fries.

"Advanced Calculus," I recite from memory. He is the forty-third person to ask about my schedule since it came in the mail. Actually being on campus hasn’t really changed matters. It’s the seventh time he has asked.

Marco raises an eyebrow. He hasn’t asked at all before now. He doesn’t care. I won’t be surprised if his enrollment is an exercise in how much he can not do before they kick him out. “You’re a math major?”

"I’m not an anything major," I answer honestly. Okay, so he isn’t the only one who doesn’t give a shit. Maybe I can start a competition with him. Unfortunately, I’m a bit too booksmart to really stand a chance. Schools will bend over backwards for kids that test well without trying.

Cassie checks her watch. Cassie gives a shit. I wonder how many shits she has left, as freely as she gives them. “I’ve got to go to Biology soon.”

"I’ll walk you," says Jake.

"You have class over there?" she asks, surprised.

"I honestly have no idea," he admits.

She stands from the bench with a smirk that’s a little bit sad. “Come on. We’ll go over the buildings _again_  on the way.”

He follows her off, and Marco pulls Jake’s fries over. “Just you and me then, huh, Xena?”

I put my feet on the table and my boot in his fries.

— —

In class, the girls behind me talk about what a tyrant Visser Two is. Not their boss. Visser Two. By name. They’re not even being secretive about it.

Some kid asks them who Visser Two is, and they suddenly load on the charm.

I spend the entire class resolutely not looking toward the poor child. I don’t want to recognize him when he’s gone.

— —

Cassie isn’t in the dorm when someone knocks on the door to invite us to a party. I’m bored, and I go. I spend the whole night pretending to drink and scouting for recruiters. It’s not hard. Almost everyone is these days. Some times I think the ones who don’t talk about it are just slugs who don’t give a shit. Afterall, not everyone talks about their job or even takes it seriously.

 _When did I start thinking of them as people?_  I wonder as a guy who looks like he could be a linebacker talks to me about how he doesn’t know why they’re still following Visser One’s out-dated tactics and how they weren’t meant for today’s numbers and knowledge.  _When we ran out of people I guess._

At some point, the drinking stops being pretend, and I casually drop all the names and terms and mannerisms I’ve picked up in five years of bloody battle, leaving pieces of myself and chunks of animal and alien flesh all over northern California. But I’m thinking about how I can get Cassie to take me home for the weekend, and whether I really want to.

On the walk back, I get a text from Cassie. It just says “Books & Jake” but I know it means that she has been at the library and she’s decided that she wants to sleep with him tonight. Which is fine by me. I really don’t need her listening to me cry right now.

I open the door and there’s a familiar face waiting for me. He’s sitting in my desk chair, grinning proudly. But I can’t remember how I know him. Not until he speaks, when he tells me “Hi, Rach. Been a long time.”

I know that voice. Well, I know the scream of horror and despair and anger calling after us. But whatever.

I should be demanding how this is possible and how he got there, because that’s what you do in these situations, but I’m tired and it’s too obvious, really. “Are you going to kill me?” I ask.

"Not tonight," he says, smirking like he’s said something clever. Like no one’s heard that in a hundred movies.

“‘Kay,” I grunt, shutting the door behind me. “Let yourself out when you’re done creeping or whatever.” And I crawl into bed, despite his protests, and pass out for a couple hours before nightmares wake me again.

By then, he’s gone, and I’m not entirely sure I actually saw him in the first place. I decide it doesn’t matter and go back to sleep.

What a pleasure it is to grow up.


	2. Everybody Here Parties All the Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Associated song is 'The Kelly Affair' by Be Your Own Pet.'

Rachel danced and laughed, drink spilling out of the cup she still held in one hand. The party was heating up with the warmth of all the bodies packed into the off-campus house.

The air practically pulsated with the beat of the music playing, combined with the shouting and the laughter of the busy crowd. A stranger danced behind her, too close, but she didn’t care, throwing a gulp of alcohol down her throat and pressing back up against him.

He was warm and she could feel his chest moving. Alive, alive, gloriously alive. It was nice, how this house was filled with the alive. But for her and her cohorts, really, who were the dead walking, even if Cassie wanted to deny it.

And she supposed all the Controllers counted as being doubly alive.

Pushing away from this stranger, she danced and shouted, grabbing the hands of someone else and pulling them close. Someone skinny, she was blind to their gender, it was just another body, another dancer, another distraction for just a little while.

Grabbing and being grabbed, dancing and cussing, she moved with the crowd, losing herself in the moment. Maybe some people here were doing the same thing, forgetting homework and assignment and overbearing parents. Maybe some people were forgetting screaming, blood, and fighting her and her friends. 

When she recognized a slightly dated song she belted out the lyrics along with another laughing blonde girl she wished she didn’t recognize from behind cage bars.

Off in the corner, she noted a girl with ash-blond hair, nursing a drink and ignoring the guy chatting up the Sub-Visser’s host’s daughter.

Determinedly ignoring Melissa’s presence, she accepted a shot from someone and downed it, shouting out after it burned its way down her throat like snake venom. The guy who gave her the shot gave her a high-five.

She moved off the dance floor, spotting Ax in the nearby crowd and grabbing his arm, laughing and pulling him away from the guy who was flirting with him, not even bothering to make an excuse. “Ax-man, how are you liking the party!?” She demanded, shouting to be heard.

Whatever he said, she didn’t hear him, but she grinned anyways. “Fabu! Oh hey, there’s that bitchface Brittany that got me kicked out of the sorority! YEAH, I’M TALKING ABOUT YOU, BITCHANY!” She shouted when the brunette turned around to see who was talking and paled visibly. “You wanna put your money where your mouth is?!” 

Rachel threw her drink to the ground, and it was possibly just Ax’s imagination that her jaw swelled slightly. Britanny fled, and Rachel growled under her breath, taking a step.

Ax hugged her quickly, to prevent her from giving chase. “Rachel, calm down, do you not want to enjoy your delightful earth party? Part-ee?” He said soothingly in her ear, and she calmed, slowly.

"Would you believe that stupid, unimaginative  _kawatnoj_  had the nerve to tell on me? For being ‘unmanageable and violent’?” She demanded, making quotation marks with her fingers as she sneered out her mockery. The hork-bajir word for ‘child’ slipped out without her even seeming to notice it.

Ax frowned and released her, looking around to make sure no one was close enough to overhear. “Rachel, be more careful. Ful. Speak english, there are others around.” He warned her, looking nervous.

Laughter was his answer, and she hooked an arm around his neck. “Lemme show you something, Ax.” He hated the way her voice sounded, with this awful, cracked edge to it, desperately manic. It blended into the chaotic sounds of the party around them, it made her fit this awful, noisy situation.

Rachel towed him over to where drinks were being handed out, grinning widely and using him for a bit of support. “Hey, hey, can I get a bottle? I wanna do that thing. Pouring one out? Poor Eldrak 948 got offed by that bear bandit last night.”

The blonde guy in the jacket clucked sympathetically and opened a bottle, handing it to her. “Sorry to hear about that. We got ‘em on the rocks now, don’t worry. Visser Three says we’ll crush them any day now.”

"Thanks." She smiled her brilliant smile Ax recognized from a thousand falsehoods, and they walked away. "See? They don’t care anymore. There’s too many of them." 

He watched Rachel drink and realized that the yeerks weren’t the only ones who didn’t care anymore.


	3. This Is Not The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Associated song is 'This Is Not The End' by The Bravery.

Tom looked around frantically. He was trapped. He knew it, and it was starting to show on his face. The yeerk had spent enough time wrapped around her cousin’s face to show that. Rachel? Rachel was beyond emotion. At least for now - she’d deal with ‘later’ later on. For now, as she stared at her cousin’s face through eyes that weren’t her own, she just had the mission.

And that mission was that Tom had to die.

"You— you can’t— Rachel, you can’t actually be about to do this, can you?" Tom pleaded, back against the corner of the abandoned shed. It seemed fitting that both of Tom’s yeerks would die under this roof.

<You know my name. You know who we are, Tom.> Her mental voice couldn’t betray her like her physical voice might have been able to. No emotion. Not allowed. Jake needed her to be a warrior.

"That’s— that’s exactly it, though. You know me. I’m Tom; I’m your cousin. I have been for years." He tried a winning smile, but it didn’t quite shine the way he hoped it would.

<Tom died years ago.>

And she killed him with a single blow.

One slash, and Tom’s throat was open. She recoiled from the unnervingly warm spray of blood as it splashed across her face, blinking it out of her eyes. Her cousin’s body fell unceremoniously to the floor, a look of horror on his face as he frantically tried to cover the wound, to hold in his blood while the yeerk inside jumped ship.

<No, fuck you, yeerk. You don’t get to outlive him.> Rachel crushed the slug between her front paws, feeling it squish into her fur and between her fingers.

Tom’s body was dead a moment later.

Rachel lumbered out of the shack; if she had been human still, her jaw would have been set against any possible tears. Jake took one look at the blood on her face, choked out a strangled “Thank you”, and walked away. If Rachel had morphed back, his quiet tears would have gone unnoticed.


	4. Demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Associated song is Demons by Imagine Dragons.

Jake took one look at Rachel as she walked out of the shack — the shack that he had avoided for years — and saw the blood.

Tom wasn’t trying to be quiet about it — hell, he was probably trying to be loud, so that Jake would cave and tell his cousin to stop killing his brother —  but he couldn’t know that it was Jake that had _ordered_  her to kill him. That Jake was the one who, really, killed Tom — Rachel was just his weapon of choice.

He refused to let himself cry.

He took one look at Rachel, nodded solemnly to acknowledge that yes, he could tell that her muzzle was indeed covered in blood only a little different from his own, that his brother that he looked up to almost his entire life - a life that seemed a lifetime ago - was dead or dying.

At least she made it quick.

He turned away.

He refused to cry.

Absolutely refused to cry.

It wasn’t going to happen.

The tears running down his cheeks weren’t crying, it was just… almost-crying. The two were completely different things—

He wasn’t going to let her see him cry.

He wasn’t going to cry.

He wasn’t.

—-

An hour later, he was sitting across the woods, perched atop a rock, overlooking the nice large field where Tobias sometimes hunted when his field wasn’t giving him anything. The field where they once almost took Visser Three down and stopped this whole thing long before it meant killing his brother. Before it meant turning his cousin into a living, breathing gun, pointed at whoever he wanted because he knew that she could do it, because he knew that she would do it.

In that hour, he had shook hands with a cashier and subtly acquired the forty-something guy standing behind the counter, then morphed him and bought some vodka. He knew absolutely nothing about alcohol except that it was what his Dad sometimes went to after a hard day at work, and that it made people forget.

He’d had a hard day at work, and he really,  _really_  needed to forget the screams that he heard. He didn’t think that he ever would — they would be added to his dream, he figured — but he could at least get a head start on that. And if  _he_  wasn’t old enough for this, then fucking  _nobody_  was.

He took the first swig, and spat it out — he knew that it wasn’t going to taste good, but he wasn’t expecting just the first sip to almost make him throw up. He let his head hang, holding the bottle loosely between his legs while he slouched, his eyes watering and turning into tears.

He wasn’t even able to handle the thing that he was using to forget the parts of his life that he couldn’t handle. What the hell was he supposed to do with that?

<Jake, is that vodka?>

Tobias’s thoughtspeech rang in Jake’s head as he took another sip — he spluttered this time, caught off-guard by both taste and sound this time, but swallowed anyway, sending a pleasant and oh-so-welcome warmth down his throat.

“Maybe.”

Tobias fluttered down and landed on the branch hanging overhead, so that Jake could see and speak to him as well without too much trouble.

<You probably shouldn’t be drinking that,> he said, conversationally, as if it was just a thought that had popped into his head, not a warning about Jake doing something definitely illegal and probably harmful.

“Nope,” Jake said, taking another swig. The warmth had spread down his arms and up into his head, and it was starting to fog up his brain, like he was seeing the world through a haze. It felt pretty appropriate for what had just happened, but even better: it meant that he was having trouble recalling the details of what had happened earlier. And he’d stopped crying — there were a few tears, and his face was still wet, but he wasn’t actually crying anymore.

He heard a rustling above him, and suddenly Tobias - human Tobias - appeared beside him, sitting down on the rock and slinging a friendly arm over his shoulder. “Give me that.”

Jake pulled it away from him, eyeing him suspiciously, the vodka sloshing in the bottle a bit. “What?”

“Jake, give me the bottle. I’m not gonna take it away, I just wanna make sure you don’t drink it all. And I don’t want you to be alone like this.” Jake closed his eyes and wordlessly handed over the bottle.

As soon as Tobias grabbed it from him, he shuddered. He wished he could sob, but he just… couldn’t. The tears wouldn’t come, not with someone there.

He pulled the bottle away from a spluttering Tobias — “How do they make that taste so bad?” — and took another swig, grimacing at the bitter taste but not even coughing this time.

Maybe if he got smashed, he’d be able to cry.

They sat like that for a while, neither of them noticing or caring about the time, passing the bottle back and forth until it was empty, arms slung over each others’ shoulders, first for emotional support and then for physical support.

Tobias talked about Rachel for a while, about how much she’d changed. How much he loved her, but how much she scared him.

How he wasn’t sure what to do.

Jake laughed, a bitter drunken laugh, and talked about Cassie: how much he’d changed, how much he loved her. How much he scared her.

How they weren’t sure what to do.

They slumped into each other more and more as they talked, until Tobias sighed and stood up.

“Whazzup?” Jake said, blinking and trying to make his tongue work like it was supposed to.

“I gotta change back, man,” Tobias said, swaying slightly. “I just hope I won’t be a drunk hawk. That seems dangerous.”

Jake laughed, a bit too loudly, and Tobias leaned down and kissed his forehead, pushing his hair back tenderly. “Be careful. And make sure you get home tonight.” His face was already starting to change again, his eyes turning amber.

As he flew away, the tears started to flow. As soon as it was obvious that he wasn’t coming back, the tears turned into sobs, which turned into wails that Jake had had no idea he was capable of producing. He picked up the vodka bottle and, with a wordless scream, he threw it at the rock; it clipped the corner and didn’t even shatter satisfyingly, and Jake just sunk to his knees and sobbed into his hands, completely spent. There was only so much he was capable of expressing after spending three years keeping it in.

He made it home that night, and going through eagle morph meant he was sober when he got home.

“Jake, is that you? You’re out late, mister. Have you seen your brother? He’s not home yet either, we were hoping he was with you.”

Jake closed his eyes while he toed off his shoes at the front door.

“Sorry, Mom. No idea where he is.”

He wasn’t going to let her see him cry.

He wasn’t going to cry.

He wasn’t.


	5. Birthday Cake-Flavored Vodka

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is no associated song with this story. Possibly you could have a cup of this vodka, if it is legal for you to drink and drinking is a thing you enjoy.

There was a knock on Rachel’s door. She flinched. She always flinched; it was just a reflex at this point. Who knew when the Yeerks would find out who they were? Who knew if they’d be bold enough to just fucking walk right up to their dorm door and just barge in? She calmed herself, walked over, and opened the door with her most finely crafted “fuck off” face firmly in place, which withered immediately when she saw who was on the other side.

It was Tobias.

And he looked  _good_.

He had brushed his hair, pinning the longest strands behind his ears and letting a couple chunks artfully hang out. He’d bought some extraordinarily nice clothing from a mall (or, more likely, had stolen some choice articles, she would later realize), and she caught a whiff of some wonderful-smelling cologne.

"T-Tobias?"

He didn’t respond right away, just smiled — her breath caught — and held out a bottle of birthday cake-flavoured vodka. “I figured this was a better idea than bringing you some shitty champagne.”

She stared at him for a moment, unable to even process what was going on. “You— I— what?”

He handed her the vodka, making sure her hand was wrapped around the stem of the bottle before he let it go and grabbed the collar of her ratty t-shirt (She’d been planning on staying in all night.), pulling her down to his lips. She could taste some sort of whiskey on his breath — he’d obviously needed some courage to pull this off — but she was not someone who was all that easily impressed, and… she barely even recognized him, but at the same time, she couldn’t think of a better example of why she loved him.

She pulled him inside, tossing the vodka bottle carelessly onto her bed and grabbing fistfuls of Tobias’s hair, ruining the perfectly-groomed, meticulously straight look that must have taken him far too much of his morphing time.

After ten or fifteen minutes, when they were on the bed and Tobias’s wonderful new clothes were wonderfully crumpled and not nearly as new as they had been (and were half-off, thanks to some roaming hands) he pulled away, sighing. “Man, I look so much nicer than I usually do. This took way too long for me to pull off again.”

She laughed. “You look incredibly handsome, darling.”

He went pink at the ears. She threw her head back and laughed, which, of course, was a pretty damned clear invitation for Tobias to hit her in the chest with a pillow.

Which, of course, meant retaliation.

It ended all at once, with Rachel on top of Tobias, pinning him on the ground, pillows discarded across the room after bad throws, greedily kissing, hands roaming, hearts racing.

Tobias shifted, and Rachel rolled to the side to let him up. “Time’s up?”

He could hear the disappointment in her voice, as much as she was obviously trying to hide it. “Only for now. I’m changing right back. But let’s get a picture in first, before I mess up my hair again.”

She leaned in for one more kiss before jumping onto her legs gracefully, helping to pull Tobias to his feet.

They took a selfie together in the mirror, Tobias kissing Rachel on the cheek, his arm pulling her closer, Rachel demurely smiling, a blush across her cheeks.

After they confirmed that yes, the picture was definitely worth saving, Tobias hugged her close, then put his hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. Her heart skipped a beat. Here was the boy she’d been in love with for far longer than she would admit to herself, and it was the perfect picture: the lighting was perfect, he had dressed up in clothing she knew he hated but he knew she loved, his hair was falling just right… and then he spoke, and it was soft, and quiet, and perfectly-chosen words.

“You make me feel human again.”

He kissed her on the forehead, tactfully ignoring the tears that immediately sprung to her eyes, and walked into the hallway, heading towards the communal bathroom to find a toilet stall to reset his morphing clock in. Rachel stood there staring at the place he had been for a moment, unable to move or even swallow for a full minute, before the realization that he’d be back in a couple minutes kicked in — and she needed to look as good as he did.

Not that that would be hard, with her closet, but she needed at least a few minutes. They couldn’t go out like  _this_. And they were  _going_  to go out. Her mother had sent her a nice birthday present of money she had suddenly decided was obviously meant to be spent on a wonderful date with her wonderful boyfriend.

When Tobias walked back in, angrily trying to get his hair to sit  _just right_  again (and failing horribly; she could tell that he had tried wetting it to make it lay flat, but he didn’t bring a comb, so the effort was in vain), she had managed to slip into a dress that complemented his outfit perfectly, and was busily putting on makeup in the mirror. She laughed at his pout, wheeled around, and kissed him; he could feel the lipstick transfer onto his lips, leaving a trace of her as she pulled away, her eyes sparkling.

“Where are we going?” he asked, suddenly realizing that his surprise birthday date had been completely yanked out of his hands.

“You’ll see. Don’t worry, I won’t order chicken around you.” She booped him on the nose before grabbing his hand, swinging a purse over her shoulder as she tugged him into the hallway.

“Wait, you’re not comparing me to—”


	6. Queen of (K)nots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The associated song is Queen of (K)nots by Matt Nathanson.

Tobias sighed, walking away from Rachel’s door. He knew she was in there - he had seen her in the window just before coming into the building, so unless she saw him and ran, she was avoiding him. Which was never a good sign.

She was probably with that ratfink David again.  _(He wished he could chuckle at calling him a ratfink, but he wasn’t used to being human enough anymore to ignore the lump in his throat.)_  He jogged down the stairs, brushing the hair away from his eyes and tucking it behind his ears, ignoring the fact that it was just a bit too short to actually stay tucked away, trying to focus on something that didn’t feel like he was going to puke.

And running into David at the bottom of the stairs, obviously miffed as well, didn’t help. David looked up and tried to sneer, but it was tempered by how visibly upset he was. Tobias would almost feel sorry for the guy if Rachel wasn’t involved. Or if David wasn’t involved. ”You too, huh?” David said, abandoning the pretense and patting the empty half of the bench he was sitting on.

Tobias hesitated for a moment, then shrugged and sat down. They say misery loves company, even if it’s pretty miserable company. “Yeah.”

They sat for a moment, tension slowly disappearing, until David looked up at Rachel’s window - curtains now drawn - and almost idly said “so who do you think she’s with?”

Tobias swallowed the urge to deck him, closing his eyes and swallowing away the lump that had just swelled in his throat. After swallowing a few times, he croaked out a ‘no idea’. It’d only been Cassie in there with her, as far as he could see.

They sat there in silence again, for just a beat, until David leaned over much closer than was probably necessary and said, with a trace of his usual sneer back in place, “Hey, you know what would totally piss her off?” Tobias turned his head, meaning to ask what David had in mind, but was instead met with David’s lips on his own, angry, greedy, and -if Tobias could be completely honest with himself - exactly what he needed to get over the disappointment of Rachel shutting him out.

Getting back at Rachel was one thing, but Tobias wasn’t sure exactly how this would piss her off - and as David’s tongue explored his mouth, he stopped really caring. This wasn’t Rachel, but he’d do.

Tobias reached up and grabbed a fistful of David’s hair at the nape of his neck, not pulling, just holding on, and David moaned, pulling away and letting Tobias use his grip to pull him back again. When Tobias loosened his hold to readjust his hand, David pulled away, actually standing up this time. Tobias stared at him dumbstruck for a moment - he would have never expected to be kissing David at all, let alone to be this angry when it stopped.

David was breathing heavy, and when he reached out for Tobias’s hand, he grinned too widely and Tobias could see David was about as happy as he was that it had stopped. “Come on,” David said. “My place is just over there.”

He reached out a hand, and when Tobias took it to help himself up, David refused to let go, insisting on holding Tobias’s hand for the five minute walk. Tobias blushed at first, but after a couple tugs to see how serious David was about it, he decided it was okay. He’d just better not be getting the idea that Tobias liked him - kissing him meant his mouth was closed, and his brain was otherwise occupied, so he couldn’t be nearly as irritating. Really, he was taking one for the team.

As they sauntered up the walkway to a rather nice little townhouse, Tobias had to fight his instinct to run away. This felt like a trap, and he wasn’t sure why it took him this long to think of that fact - and suddenly they were inside, and Tobias’s shitty human noise filled with the scent of Axe deodorant that was overpowering even for his dulled senses, and his mouth filled with David, and suddenly he realized why - they were both desperate.They didn’t want each other; they needed each other. They were standing in his foyer, Tobias pinning David to the wall, holding him there mostly with his body weight; it didn’t really feel like David wanted to go anywhere, anyway, judging by the way they were rubbing together.

Tobias reached down and experimentally rubbed his hand over David’s crotch, and between David’s moan and the thrusting into his hand, he figured they would end up doing more than making out by the front door.

Almost immediately, David grabbed Tobias’s hand, pushed off the wall - moving Tobias easily - and led him by the hand down the hallway to a small and surprisingly tidy bedroom, although Tobias wasn’t sure how much of that was because he didn’t seem to own all that much to create a mess with. But he did own a surprising amount of duct tape and rope, and he lay it on the bed tenderly while Tobias watched, unsure which side of this David wanted to be on - or which side he wanted to be on, for that matter. 

The possibility that this was a trap was still technically there, although David knew that rope wouldn’t really do all that much. And when David shoved the roll of duct tape into Tobias’s hands and lay on the bed, clearly letting Tobias decide what to do, his worries disappeared. He straddled David’s hips, letting their crotches rub together through their jeans while he tugged off David’s shirt, running his hands down his smooth chest before suddenly pinching David’s nipples, eliciting a gasp before he lay on top of David again, pinning his hands to the bed above his shoulders, letting their fingers curl together while they kissed.

Tobias sat up, letting go of David and turning back, trying to decide where to start when he felt David start to unbutton his shirt. He let him undo all the buttons, but before he could take it off, he knelt, taking his weight off David. “Roll onto your stomach.” David hesitated for only a moment before complying, a twinkle in his eyes.

Tobias grabbed his wrists and roughly lashed them together, relying on the knot being too complicated for David to be able to figure out by feel alone. When he figured those hands weren’t likely going anywhere, he knelt again, this time rolling David onto his back himself. Before David could say a word, he ripped off a length of duct tape and smoothed it down over David’s lips, smacking his cheek lightly a couple times when he was done. “There we go. You’re not going anywhere, and you’re not saying a word.”

He rubbed David’s crotch through his jeans, letting David writhe, trying to undo the knotted mess around his wrists. He smoothed another layer of tape over his mouth for good measure, squeezed his crotch, and stood up. “Let me just make sure we have a couple hours.”

He was glad, a couple minutes later, that being horny as as much mental as it was physical, because as soon as he was back to being human, he was ready to get back to work - and as soon as he walked back into the room, David started struggling harder, moaning into the tape gag. Tobias just smiled, reaching down and undoing the button of David’s jeans; as soon as his hands brushed David’s skin, he stopped writhing, arching his back into Tobias’s hands. Tobias’s chuckled as he pulled David’s pants to his ankles.

He looked at David’s face and rubbed his cock slowly through his underwear, watching David go from ‘oh good, he’s finally touching me’ to ‘no, go faster than that’ in a matter of seconds. When he started bucking and trying to throw Tobias off again, Tobias hooked his thumbs under the waistband of David’s underwear and pulled them down, too, taking the time to run his hands down the insides of his thighs and provoking another whimper as he pulled the clothes off David’s ankles.

He ran his tongue up David’s shaft, holding his legs down with just his body weight, one hand wrapped around the base of David’s dick, slowly making sure to hit every nerve could without touching the head. David was already trembling at just this; Tobias didn’t think he’d last very long if he didn’t take it slow.

He looked up, letting his tongue run over the head, just a spilt second of contact and then David yelped in pain as Tobias ripped the tape off his mouth. He managed to get “ow, what the f-” out before Tobias’s lips muffled the rest of his word, and he quickly had other things on his mind, as Tobias’s hands roamed David’s chest while they made out, his thumbs rubbing over David’s nipples, grabbing and pinching them, then running down his stomach to his crotch, rubbing over the inside of his thighs and making him whimper.

Tobias broke off the kiss and grabbed a condom and bottle of lube from the bedside table, choosing not to say anything about the fact that they were so prominently on display because hey, it was useful for him right then. He held them up, making sure David could see, and David just spread his legs and bit his lip, his breathing heavy. As Tobias rolled the condom on, he could have sworn David had breathed the word Rachel. He decided to just ignore it, to avoid bringing up all sorts of questions he didn’t think he wanted answered.

As he eased into David, starting slowly and then going faster when he realized that yes, David was used to this, he closed his eyes, letting the feelings wash over him. It wasn’t quite what he had been hoping for, but it was a close enough substitute that he could feel the stress draining from his system while he thrust back and forth, not even realizing that his own moans and whimpers were mixing with David’s.

He wrapped a hand around David’s cock, and with only a few pumps brought him over the edge, milking every last drop he could and then speeding up his thrusts, biting his lip as he came. He pulled out, making David gasp again, and then lay down next to David, letting his heartbeat get back to normal levels.

David rolled over, tugging on his wrists. “Hey, d’you mind..?” He asked, moving his arms and obviously trying to get out. Tobias opened one eye, considered saying no and leaving - it was David - but sighed and pushed him over so that he was flat on his stomach, undoing the knot after a moment or two of careful tugging, trying not to make it any tighter than it already was. He undid the knot and then stood up and started putting on his clothing while David removed the rope that was draped over him and stood up.

"Well, that was fun," David said, with forced cheer. Tobias shrugged, not wanting to voice that he was pretty sure both of them were thinking of Rachel the entire time but unsure what to say otherwise. He knew he didn’t want David to think Tobias trusted him any further than he could tie him.

Maybe next time he’d find a leash and collar for him.


	7. Ain’t No Sleep, We Want Straight A’s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Associated song is Ain’t No Sleep, We Want Straight A’s by Sleigh Bells.

Cassie ignored the mumbled complaints as Rachel turned over in the bed behind her. She trained her light on her book and propped her chin on one palm as she tried to concentrate on the string of mathematical formulas. It was exceedingly dull.

The thought made the corners of her lips twitch upwards. She was bored. One in the morning, she was awake, and she was bored.

What a wonderful thing college was.

Rachel’s alarm went off fifteen minutes later, and Cassie ignored her blond roommate as she got up, bitching quietly about the time, slid off her bed. She knew without looking that Rachel wasn’t pulling on party clothes. 

She was pulling on her new leotard, black with splashes of red, like it was stained with all of her murders.

"You coming this time?" Rachel asked, finally.

"I need to finish this for tomorrow. Class is at six." Cassie answered.

"…Yeah. Okay. Keep the window open." Rachel’s eyeroll was almost audible before the gross crunching and shifting noises filled the room.

As the eagle flew out the window, Cassie leaned back in her chair and rubbed her forehead. What point was there in fighting and missions if they didn’t have a life in the future to protect?

Rachel better not think she was going to copy her homework this time. It was time for the rest of them to discover prioritizing their lives over this endless war for themselves.

Cassie ignored the voice in her head that told her she was the only one that hadn’t given up on life and got back to work.


	8. Over and Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The associated song is Over and Over by Three Days Grace.

"You’re poison." I tell him, and I can’t believe the words pass my lips.

He flinches from the accusation, and I regret it. No. No, I don’t regret it, but I regret having to not regret it. I think.

This is confusing. 

Everything’s confusing.

"This whole war is poison. Every part of it. Them, us, everyone who’s left us alone to struggle. All of it’s poisonous." I add, mostly just to make it seem less personal. 

But it is personal. I only go on half the missions now. I try and cut it down to be less then that. I try to be normal. Be real. I focus on my classes, the way everyone else ignores them. I study, the way everyone else parties and drinks.

But losing them… and losing him, after everything we’ve been through, it’s too hard. Especially losing him, not to enemy fire, not to a slug, but to my own decisions about what’s best for me.

"So we’re all poisoned." He tries, reaching for me.

I turn away. “I wish we were thirteen again. We didn’t know what we were then. We didn’t know what we were doing.” The words slip out of a throat that is suddenly burning with the need to sob.

He laughs, and it’s so different from the way he used to. Deeper. Older then he is. A little broken. “We don’t know what we’re doing now.”

"Remember how we thought the Andalites would come and save us?" I ask, my lips twitching into what might be a smile. "Remember how we thought they were these big wonderful heroes?" 

His grin shows teeth, and for a moment I can imagine there are stripes on his skin.

That dream had died so hard. For Ax, especially, who couldn’t offer any defense. He knew what we did. We were being left to wear down the Yeerks on Earth, to stall them, to distract them. The Andalites had other parts of the war they could focus on, and they clearly didn’t care about leaving us to die and be enslaved.

The noble Andalites. The saviours of only themselves. Seerow taught them that much.

"Sometimes the worst part of what we do is having to be thought of as a group of them." He tells me, and I shake my head.

"I don’t think that many of them believe that." His smile drops, and he shrugs.

"I know. But they act like it. Or else…" He bites down on air, making his teeth clack. It’s something we’ve picked up from the Controllers, as they’ve cared less about secrecy. How they allude to the Visser’s habit of devouring whoever crosses him.

"…I should go study." I say, hating to think of the poor hosts that go with the Yeerks, the poor Yeerks that never had a chance to try a different way, to learn better.

He reaches out for me again, and I let him catch me. “You’ve studied enough.” He says with a trace of irritation. “There’s no missions tonight. Don’t run away from me?” He doesn’t mean it to be, but it is a question.

I don’t want to leave him tonight. I lift my hands and cup his face in them. “I can’t save you, Jake Berenson.” I whisper before kissing him, and he holds me to him like he thinks he can drag himself out of the hell we’re all in, so long as I’ll be his anchor.


End file.
